82 (Spoof Of 22 By Taylor Swift) lyrics - Shane Dawson (feat. Wendy McColm)
I'm sick of those pretty boys
Checkin' their mirrors
Waxin' their ball hairs
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)
I'm sick of those rocker boys
They're always cheatin'
With girls who are younger
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)
Yeah!
A guy who won't talk shit about me on Twitter
Cause he don't know what the fuck that is
Oh, yeah!
I'm lookin' for a guy who has some experience tonight
Uh-oh
Hey!
I'm sick of young dudes
I wanna guy who's 82
He can put up with me
Cause he served in World War 2
He thinks I can sing
Cause he's got real bad hearing
He's a little racist
So I gotta hide my black friends from him
He's 82, oooh
He's 82, oooh oooh oooh
Chill out with his old friends
Shitting in our Depends
Takin' medications
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)
Yeah!
After this we gonna have a big lemon party, tonight
Uh oh
I'm sick of young dudes
I wanna guy who's 82
He has so many age spots
I thought they were tattoos
His family can't hate me
Cause they're all R I P
When we have sex he screams
"Bitch who's your Granddaddy?"
Cause he's 82, oooh
82, oooh oooh oooh
Yeah!
[Aunt Hilda:] There's that bitch that stole our husbands
[Taylor and Larry:] [gasp]
[Aunt Hilda:] Let's kill her!
[Old ladies:] Yeah!
We'll get beat up by women who are 82
Holy shit there's blood everywhere
That Asian one knows kung-fu
It feels like one of those nights
We got our ass kicked
It feels like one of those nights
I lost my vision
It feels like one of those nights
Internal bleeding
My legs lost feeling
I'm sick of fighting
[Aunt Hilda:] Oh, why? You too scared to die, bitch?
[Taylor:] Larry is an adult. Let's let him decide who he wants to be with.
[Aunt Hilda:] Ugh, fine! Who do you want to be with, Larry?
[Larry] I-I-I. I ch-ch-ch-chchoose... [dies]
[Aunt Hilda:] [gasp]
[Taylor:] Oh my God!
[Aunt Hilda:] Taylor! Did you not give him his 8 o'clock heart pill?
[Taylor:] 8 o'clock heart pill? Ugh, that sounds like so much responsibility.
[Aunt Hilda:] Ugh, it really is.
[Taylor:] Hashtag, no, thank you.
[Aunt Hilda:] Hashtag, I agree girlfriend.
[Taylor:] Hashtag, you're kinda cute.
[Aunt Hilda:] Hashtag, I'm not a monkey, but I'll swing that way
[Taylor:] Hashtag, I don't really know what you mean about the monkey thing, but hashtag, I'm in.
[Aunt Hilda:] [excited gasp]
Hey!
Sick of guys like him,
Let's just be lesbian
Enough of this silly fighting,
Let's get to scissoring
Screw all these stupid guys,
Let's have a good time
Screw all these stupid guys,
Let's go out tonight
Screw all these stupid guys,
I'll give girls a try
Let's have a good time
Let's have a good time!
[Taylor and Aunt Hilda] [Sloppy make out noises]
[Taylor:] Ah! I forgot to tell you, I have herpes.
[Aunt Hilda:] Hey! So do I!
Checkin' their mirrors
Waxin' their ball hairs
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)
I'm sick of those rocker boys
They're always cheatin'
With girls who are younger
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)
Yeah!
A guy who won't talk shit about me on Twitter
Cause he don't know what the fuck that is
Oh, yeah!
I'm lookin' for a guy who has some experience tonight
Uh-oh
Hey!
I'm sick of young dudes
I wanna guy who's 82
He can put up with me
Cause he served in World War 2
He thinks I can sing
Cause he's got real bad hearing
He's a little racist
So I gotta hide my black friends from him
He's 82, oooh
He's 82, oooh oooh oooh
Chill out with his old friends
Shitting in our Depends
Takin' medications
(Uh-ah, uh-oh)
Yeah!
After this we gonna have a big lemon party, tonight
Uh oh
I'm sick of young dudes
I wanna guy who's 82
He has so many age spots
I thought they were tattoos
His family can't hate me
Cause they're all R I P
When we have sex he screams
"Bitch who's your Granddaddy?"
Cause he's 82, oooh
82, oooh oooh oooh
Yeah!
[Aunt Hilda:] There's that bitch that stole our husbands
[Taylor and Larry:] [gasp]
[Aunt Hilda:] Let's kill her!
[Old ladies:] Yeah!
We'll get beat up by women who are 82
Holy shit there's blood everywhere
That Asian one knows kung-fu
It feels like one of those nights
We got our ass kicked
It feels like one of those nights
I lost my vision
It feels like one of those nights
Internal bleeding
My legs lost feeling
I'm sick of fighting
[Aunt Hilda:] Oh, why? You too scared to die, bitch?
[Taylor:] Larry is an adult. Let's let him decide who he wants to be with.
[Aunt Hilda:] Ugh, fine! Who do you want to be with, Larry?
[Larry] I-I-I. I ch-ch-ch-chchoose... [dies]
[Aunt Hilda:] [gasp]
[Taylor:] Oh my God!
[Aunt Hilda:] Taylor! Did you not give him his 8 o'clock heart pill?
[Taylor:] 8 o'clock heart pill? Ugh, that sounds like so much responsibility.
[Aunt Hilda:] Ugh, it really is.
[Taylor:] Hashtag, no, thank you.
[Aunt Hilda:] Hashtag, I agree girlfriend.
[Taylor:] Hashtag, you're kinda cute.
[Aunt Hilda:] Hashtag, I'm not a monkey, but I'll swing that way
[Taylor:] Hashtag, I don't really know what you mean about the monkey thing, but hashtag, I'm in.
[Aunt Hilda:] [excited gasp]
Hey!
Sick of guys like him,
Let's just be lesbian
Enough of this silly fighting,
Let's get to scissoring
Screw all these stupid guys,
Let's have a good time
Screw all these stupid guys,
Let's go out tonight
Screw all these stupid guys,
I'll give girls a try
Let's have a good time
Let's have a good time!
[Taylor and Aunt Hilda] [Sloppy make out noises]
[Taylor:] Ah! I forgot to tell you, I have herpes.
[Aunt Hilda:] Hey! So do I!
Applause Parody lyrics - Shane Dawson
Remember back in the day I could do no wrong.
You called it poetry when I said bluffing with my muff on
I wore an outfit made completely out of Kermit the Frog’s
I had so many fans from little kids to soccer moms.
So where did I go wrong go wrong go wrong
You guys used to love when when I acted crazy
Remember when I had a seizure covered in menstrual blood
Wasn’t that fun so fun so fun
They wanna send me away to retirement
To spend the rest of my days with Kesha and 50 Cent
I used to have famous friends like Beyonce.
Now when I call she hangs up.
The bitch is crazy.
H.E.L.P.M.E
Remember Just Dance.
Oh gurl, that song was my jam! Jam!
H.E.L.P.M.E
And my meat dress.
oo boo, I wasn’t a fan.
wrong wrong
wrong wrong
That bitch stole my leg.
Where did I go wrong.
Where did I go wrong.
Where did I go so wrong.
I need to prove them wrong, wrong, wrong.
I’ll try dressing more normal
How’s a sheet and face paint.
Maybe now people will take me more seriously.
You’re wrong.
You’re wrong.
So wrong.
Tell me what I should do.
Just act human.
So I should dress like a man.
That’s not what we meant.
So I should be an alien.
What the fuck, bitch.
Hey look, now I’m a swan.
Girl, we’re over it.
H.E.L.P.M.E
I’m getting real high from all the fumes on my face.
Starting to hallucinate.
H.E.L.P.M.E
I’ll wash it up now.
And just put on my p-Jays. Jays.
H.E.L.P.M.E
Oh that’s it!
What’s it?
That’s your new look.
This?
Yo! That’s revolutionary, that’s never been done before.
Wait, I can make it even better.
What do you think?
Oh!
So sad.
Wait, I can add more things.
Poop, I’ll put poop on my face, that’s cool and edgy right?
Ra ra-ah-ah-ah,
Roma roma-ma,
Gaga, ooh la la,
Want your bad romance.
You called it poetry when I said bluffing with my muff on
I wore an outfit made completely out of Kermit the Frog’s
I had so many fans from little kids to soccer moms.
So where did I go wrong go wrong go wrong
You guys used to love when when I acted crazy
Remember when I had a seizure covered in menstrual blood
Wasn’t that fun so fun so fun
They wanna send me away to retirement
To spend the rest of my days with Kesha and 50 Cent
I used to have famous friends like Beyonce.
Now when I call she hangs up.
The bitch is crazy.
H.E.L.P.M.E
Remember Just Dance.
Oh gurl, that song was my jam! Jam!
H.E.L.P.M.E
And my meat dress.
oo boo, I wasn’t a fan.
wrong wrong
wrong wrong
That bitch stole my leg.
Where did I go wrong.
Where did I go wrong.
Where did I go so wrong.
I need to prove them wrong, wrong, wrong.
I’ll try dressing more normal
How’s a sheet and face paint.
Maybe now people will take me more seriously.
You’re wrong.
You’re wrong.
So wrong.
Tell me what I should do.
Just act human.
So I should dress like a man.
That’s not what we meant.
So I should be an alien.
What the fuck, bitch.
Hey look, now I’m a swan.
Girl, we’re over it.
H.E.L.P.M.E
I’m getting real high from all the fumes on my face.
Starting to hallucinate.
H.E.L.P.M.E
I’ll wash it up now.
And just put on my p-Jays. Jays.
H.E.L.P.M.E
Oh that’s it!
What’s it?
That’s your new look.
This?
Yo! That’s revolutionary, that’s never been done before.
Wait, I can make it even better.
What do you think?
Oh!
So sad.
Wait, I can add more things.
Poop, I’ll put poop on my face, that’s cool and edgy right?
Ra ra-ah-ah-ah,
Roma roma-ma,
Gaga, ooh la la,
Want your bad romance.
Birthday Spoof lyrics - Shane Dawson
Blame it all on Disney
Look what they did to me,
And I am not the only one who turned out like that,
Just look at Lindsey,
Don't forget about Miley,
And that girl from even Stevens even had a sex tape, Ugh!
(uhhh, uh, uh, uhhh) what the fuck
(uhhh, uh, uh, uhhh) happened to them?
Remember Disney when it had
Lizzy McGuire and that's so raven
Then it just got worse with shows
About wizards and underage strippers (shake it up)
Do these clothes make you forget that some of us aren't legal yet?
Get condoms and some lube were going to rape your childhood
All parents seem to all agree, to blame it all on Disney
Because that way it's so easy to avoid to get blamed
When you work for Disney
It's practically slavery
And then when you turn 18 they throw you in the trash
(uhhh, uh, uh, uhhh)
Hey, look, it's Mickey Mouse!
(uhhh, uh, uh, uhhh)
How'd he get in my house?
Yo SG how you be? When you coming back to me?
Hey mickey soon maybe but right now I'm kinda busy
Excuse me, hoe? Oh! FUCK, NO! Does Mickey have to slap a hoe?
No Mickey! please don't swing I'll do another wizards movie
That's right bitches (woo)
Because Disney is so cheap
We barely made any money
So some of us are working at Walmart and target
Let's take a to moment to remember
The Disney stars who disappeared
Like the guy from Phil in the future the girl from Halloween town (don't stop)
Stop taking weird girls from Disney
Harper wasn't invited to this party (nope!)
I'm hanging out with beibz
Peeing in random spots
How can we grow up so crazy?
All drugged up and slutty?
But the kids of nick grow OK— oh, wait, never mind
Look what they did to me,
And I am not the only one who turned out like that,
Just look at Lindsey,
Don't forget about Miley,
And that girl from even Stevens even had a sex tape, Ugh!
(uhhh, uh, uh, uhhh) what the fuck
(uhhh, uh, uh, uhhh) happened to them?
Remember Disney when it had
Lizzy McGuire and that's so raven
Then it just got worse with shows
About wizards and underage strippers (shake it up)
Do these clothes make you forget that some of us aren't legal yet?
Get condoms and some lube were going to rape your childhood
All parents seem to all agree, to blame it all on Disney
Because that way it's so easy to avoid to get blamed
When you work for Disney
It's practically slavery
And then when you turn 18 they throw you in the trash
(uhhh, uh, uh, uhhh)
Hey, look, it's Mickey Mouse!
(uhhh, uh, uh, uhhh)
How'd he get in my house?
Yo SG how you be? When you coming back to me?
Hey mickey soon maybe but right now I'm kinda busy
Excuse me, hoe? Oh! FUCK, NO! Does Mickey have to slap a hoe?
No Mickey! please don't swing I'll do another wizards movie
That's right bitches (woo)
Because Disney is so cheap
We barely made any money
So some of us are working at Walmart and target
Let's take a to moment to remember
The Disney stars who disappeared
Like the guy from Phil in the future the girl from Halloween town (don't stop)
Stop taking weird girls from Disney
Harper wasn't invited to this party (nope!)
I'm hanging out with beibz
Peeing in random spots
How can we grow up so crazy?
All drugged up and slutty?
But the kids of nick grow OK— oh, wait, never mind
Blank Space Parody lyrics - Shane Dawson
My girlfriend got into my car
Told me to listen to her new CD
"What the fuck are you smokin'?
Do I look fourteen?"
"No, trust me it's so great
I'm totally hashtag team taytay
Com'on just give it a play!"
Later on I dropped her off
She forgot her new Taylor CD
So I decided to put it on
"What's the worst that could happen?
Oh my God, what a sick beat,
Her voice sounds so soft and sweet
All these lyrics are relating to me!
I could listen to this until my life ends!"
So I'm listen while I'm lifting
She gives me energy
And I listen in the shower
When I'm making love to me
I listen when I'm hurtin'
Her ballads are everything
It's like I'm never lonely
Like she's my best friend
She's always tweetin'
Inspirational quotes
And then I read them
At the time I need them most
I think about her when I'm
Having sex with my girlfriend
"Because she is my soul mate"
"What?"
I gotta make a plan.
First I have to get rid of
My current girlfriend
I have to make it look like
It was an accident like:
"Hey Lisa, get in here quick
Your dog is barfing,
I think it's sick
Oh no, there is so much blood!"
Now I don't have a girlfriend
"Hey Taylor here I come
I got your address
Thanks to Google maps.com
I've got your favorite flowers
A tattoo of your name
I hope you feel the same baby
Cause I'm on my way
Oh, you look so cute up in your bedroom
Oh, I can't wait to be up there with you soon
"Hey sir, who are you? Can I help you?"
"Sure, smell these flowers, don't you think they smell good?!"
Now I'm walking through the front door
I think I smell her scent
Now checking the nick nacks
We both like titanic
And then I hear a loud scream
I turn around and see
It's my beautiful Taylor
"Taylor it's me!"
Then she runs away screaming
"L.O.L. she's so funny"
She locked herself in the bathroom
"I guess we're playing hide and seek"
"Oh silly Taylor baby
I can hear you breath
Hey remember your hit song?
You belong with me!"
Then she runs to the bedroom
"She's playing hard to get
I get distracted by the closet
She looks so pretty in red
"Hey taytay can you wear this,
The first time we make love?
Just give me a kiss baby
You'll feel the same"
[Dialogue]
I guess I was all wrong
Maybe we're not soul mates
I misread the situation
I have another destiny
I'm not supposed be with her
I'm supposed to be her
But I can't be her
So I'll just wear her face!
Told me to listen to her new CD
"What the fuck are you smokin'?
Do I look fourteen?"
"No, trust me it's so great
I'm totally hashtag team taytay
Com'on just give it a play!"
Later on I dropped her off
She forgot her new Taylor CD
So I decided to put it on
"What's the worst that could happen?
Oh my God, what a sick beat,
Her voice sounds so soft and sweet
All these lyrics are relating to me!
I could listen to this until my life ends!"
So I'm listen while I'm lifting
She gives me energy
And I listen in the shower
When I'm making love to me
I listen when I'm hurtin'
Her ballads are everything
It's like I'm never lonely
Like she's my best friend
She's always tweetin'
Inspirational quotes
And then I read them
At the time I need them most
I think about her when I'm
Having sex with my girlfriend
"Because she is my soul mate"
"What?"
I gotta make a plan.
First I have to get rid of
My current girlfriend
I have to make it look like
It was an accident like:
"Hey Lisa, get in here quick
Your dog is barfing,
I think it's sick
Oh no, there is so much blood!"
Now I don't have a girlfriend
"Hey Taylor here I come
I got your address
Thanks to Google maps.com
I've got your favorite flowers
A tattoo of your name
I hope you feel the same baby
Cause I'm on my way
Oh, you look so cute up in your bedroom
Oh, I can't wait to be up there with you soon
"Hey sir, who are you? Can I help you?"
"Sure, smell these flowers, don't you think they smell good?!"
Now I'm walking through the front door
I think I smell her scent
Now checking the nick nacks
We both like titanic
And then I hear a loud scream
I turn around and see
It's my beautiful Taylor
"Taylor it's me!"
Then she runs away screaming
"L.O.L. she's so funny"
She locked herself in the bathroom
"I guess we're playing hide and seek"
"Oh silly Taylor baby
I can hear you breath
Hey remember your hit song?
You belong with me!"
Then she runs to the bedroom
"She's playing hard to get
I get distracted by the closet
She looks so pretty in red
"Hey taytay can you wear this,
The first time we make love?
Just give me a kiss baby
You'll feel the same"
[Dialogue]
I guess I was all wrong
Maybe we're not soul mates
I misread the situation
I have another destiny
I'm not supposed be with her
I'm supposed to be her
But I can't be her
So I'll just wear her face!
Celebrity Tweets 2 lyrics - Shane Dawson
I have a massive spot on my arse
Wondering if I should squeeze it what do you think??
If everyone drop out of high school right now
We would have a more intelligent society
If a girl is drunk is it okay to have sex with her
Oh, oh please reply YES or NO to @Dr.Phill!
Hastag teen sex party
I just farted something sweet!
Smelled AMAZING!!!
Hastag candy farts
Everyone who has a cold sore take a picture
And send it to me
Celebrity tweets yeah
The color of my pee ofter terrefies me
Hey yo, I think its despicable me time
Part two doe
Oh, gwalll lahhhh gwammm lykke demmm werk dat pusssssayyyyy
Pusy, pusy, pusy
Its funny when 90 year old men reconigze me
Hastag sex tape watechers
Can't believe grandmas makin me take out the garbage
I'm too rich for this shit
Sad face
Bieber please just put your fucking shirt on
Do ants have dicks
Celebrity tweets yeah
Bubble but
I like fields
Bubble but
I just cummed on my shoes
So U know how U press copy on UR smartphone with your finger
Question marks
Don't U feel like U have touse the same finger to paste
Exclamation points
The instagram really creepy pics like this
And this and this and this
They even post 6 second vine video clips
Of useless shit like this
Celebrity tweets
Celebrity tweets yeah
Celebrity tweets
11 of my followers will probably die tonight.
I hope its not you
But if it is
Thanks for following
Wondering if I should squeeze it what do you think??
If everyone drop out of high school right now
We would have a more intelligent society
If a girl is drunk is it okay to have sex with her
Oh, oh please reply YES or NO to @Dr.Phill!
Hastag teen sex party
I just farted something sweet!
Smelled AMAZING!!!
Hastag candy farts
Everyone who has a cold sore take a picture
And send it to me
Celebrity tweets yeah
The color of my pee ofter terrefies me
Hey yo, I think its despicable me time
Part two doe
Oh, gwalll lahhhh gwammm lykke demmm werk dat pusssssayyyyy
Pusy, pusy, pusy
Its funny when 90 year old men reconigze me
Hastag sex tape watechers
Can't believe grandmas makin me take out the garbage
I'm too rich for this shit
Sad face
Bieber please just put your fucking shirt on
Do ants have dicks
Celebrity tweets yeah
Bubble but
I like fields
Bubble but
I just cummed on my shoes
So U know how U press copy on UR smartphone with your finger
Question marks
Don't U feel like U have touse the same finger to paste
Exclamation points
The instagram really creepy pics like this
And this and this and this
They even post 6 second vine video clips
Of useless shit like this
Celebrity tweets
Celebrity tweets yeah
Celebrity tweets
11 of my followers will probably die tonight.
I hope its not you
But if it is
Thanks for following
DOUCHEBAG lyrics - Shane Dawson
You're falling for a douchebag! Doucheba-ag!
You're falling for a douchebag! Doucheba-ag!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! Douchebag!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! Douchebag!
He takes longer then you to get ready!
He shaves his legs but swears that he's not gay!
He lotions up other girls at the beach!
Romantic night to him is Chuck E Cheese!
Oh woh wo-oh oh oh!
Oh woh wo-oh oh oh!
He'll let you down, let you down down!
(Down, down!)
Oh woh wo-oh oh oh!
Oh woh wo-oh oh oh!
Tell you to lose some pounds, lose some pound pounds!
(Pound, pounds!)
He always makes you cry!
So girl don't be surprised!
'Cause you're falling for a douchebag, baby!
You hope that he will change!
But he'll just stay the same!
'Cause you're falling for a douchebag, baby!
You're falling for a douchebag, doucheba-ag!
You're falling for a douchebag, doucheba-ag!
Yeah!
He's an excuse for a man,
Who gets his tan from a can!
F-word tatooed on his hand,
'Cause he's so cool.
(Dude, I'm so cool!)
He makes you massage his feet,
His dog sits in the front seat!
His farts are never discrete,
And he'll always be a tool.
I wanna love you,
You know I would do anything for you!
I wanna help you,
But you just keep on letting him hurt you!
He'll hurt you!
He always makes you cry!
So girl don't be surprised!
'Cause you're falling for a douchebag, baby!
You hope that he will change!
But he'll just stay the same!
'Cause you're falling for a douchebag, baby!
You're falling for a douchebag, doucheba-ag!
You're falling for a douchebag, doucheba-ag!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! Douchebag!
You're falling for a douchebag! Doucheba-ag!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! Douchebag!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! Douchebag!
He takes longer then you to get ready!
He shaves his legs but swears that he's not gay!
He lotions up other girls at the beach!
Romantic night to him is Chuck E Cheese!
Oh woh wo-oh oh oh!
Oh woh wo-oh oh oh!
He'll let you down, let you down down!
(Down, down!)
Oh woh wo-oh oh oh!
Oh woh wo-oh oh oh!
Tell you to lose some pounds, lose some pound pounds!
(Pound, pounds!)
He always makes you cry!
So girl don't be surprised!
'Cause you're falling for a douchebag, baby!
You hope that he will change!
But he'll just stay the same!
'Cause you're falling for a douchebag, baby!
You're falling for a douchebag, doucheba-ag!
You're falling for a douchebag, doucheba-ag!
Yeah!
He's an excuse for a man,
Who gets his tan from a can!
F-word tatooed on his hand,
'Cause he's so cool.
(Dude, I'm so cool!)
He makes you massage his feet,
His dog sits in the front seat!
His farts are never discrete,
And he'll always be a tool.
I wanna love you,
You know I would do anything for you!
I wanna help you,
But you just keep on letting him hurt you!
He'll hurt you!
He always makes you cry!
So girl don't be surprised!
'Cause you're falling for a douchebag, baby!
You hope that he will change!
But he'll just stay the same!
'Cause you're falling for a douchebag, baby!
You're falling for a douchebag, doucheba-ag!
You're falling for a douchebag, doucheba-ag!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! D-de-ba-ba!
D-bag! Douchebag!
Famous Youtuber lyrics - Shane Dawson
Hi my name is Shane Dawson.
I'm a famous YouTuber with lots of fans and lots of money and both of those things make me very happy, honest.
If you want to be a famous YouTuber like me just follow these steps.
Here we go...
If you want to be a famous YouTube star, I've got lots of tips.
If you want to be a famous YouTube star, just listen to this.
Go to college for filmmaking.
Take a class on creative writing.
Don't forget your business master degree. (Ha-ha!)
Just kidding!
Cause all you need is to Facetune all your selfies.
(Look like a cartoon)
And act like you're eighteen, even though your really thirty-three.
(Crow's feet)
And make lots of money selling nearly everything because one day, you'll be nothing.
If you want to be a famous YouTube star, exploit your relationships.
(Babe, get over here!)
Make sure all your video thumb nails are you and the girl you're with.
And even if you're fighting everyday pretend like your love life is going great.
Tag all your pics with hashtag relationship goals.
(I think we should break up.)
Okay!...
I'll get a million views on our break-up vid. (Oh, I'm so sad)
I wish I had some kids so I could force them to do challenges.
(EAT IT!)
I want a health crisis so I can vlog the recovery process.
OH NO I'm DYING?!
(Just kidding... only on the inside.)
Oohhh weoooh
Refresh your media page all day and all night.
Oohhh weoooh
You never ever have to go ever outside.
Oohhh weoooh
I haven't showered for like 30 days.
Oohhh weoooh
It doesn't matter cause everyone that cares about me is behind a screen.
Hi friends.
(Hi, Shane!)
Without you guys I'd be literally nothing.
Ahh! Oh No!
Well, I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.
Good thing I prepared for this.
Wow! That was close. Ha-Ha!
Make sure that all your Tweets are about all your business meetings.
(I'm actually just going to Chipotle!)
While for your entire day, even when you're out driving.
And last but not least make sure you have a plan 'B' for your life cause soon no one will be watching.
(Nope!)
No one will be watching.
Ha - Ha - Ha! Well there you guys go, hope you enjoyed the tips and make sure to hit that like button.
Cause every like is another day that I don't guzzle down this bleach and cause a slow painful death. Ha - Ha - Ha - Ha! Bye...
I'm a famous YouTuber with lots of fans and lots of money and both of those things make me very happy, honest.
If you want to be a famous YouTuber like me just follow these steps.
Here we go...
If you want to be a famous YouTube star, I've got lots of tips.
If you want to be a famous YouTube star, just listen to this.
Go to college for filmmaking.
Take a class on creative writing.
Don't forget your business master degree. (Ha-ha!)
Just kidding!
Cause all you need is to Facetune all your selfies.
(Look like a cartoon)
And act like you're eighteen, even though your really thirty-three.
(Crow's feet)
And make lots of money selling nearly everything because one day, you'll be nothing.
If you want to be a famous YouTube star, exploit your relationships.
(Babe, get over here!)
Make sure all your video thumb nails are you and the girl you're with.
And even if you're fighting everyday pretend like your love life is going great.
Tag all your pics with hashtag relationship goals.
(I think we should break up.)
Okay!...
I'll get a million views on our break-up vid. (Oh, I'm so sad)
I wish I had some kids so I could force them to do challenges.
(EAT IT!)
I want a health crisis so I can vlog the recovery process.
OH NO I'm DYING?!
(Just kidding... only on the inside.)
Oohhh weoooh
Refresh your media page all day and all night.
Oohhh weoooh
You never ever have to go ever outside.
Oohhh weoooh
I haven't showered for like 30 days.
Oohhh weoooh
It doesn't matter cause everyone that cares about me is behind a screen.
Hi friends.
(Hi, Shane!)
Without you guys I'd be literally nothing.
Ahh! Oh No!
Well, I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.
Good thing I prepared for this.
Wow! That was close. Ha-Ha!
Make sure that all your Tweets are about all your business meetings.
(I'm actually just going to Chipotle!)
While for your entire day, even when you're out driving.
And last but not least make sure you have a plan 'B' for your life cause soon no one will be watching.
(Nope!)
No one will be watching.
Ha - Ha - Ha! Well there you guys go, hope you enjoyed the tips and make sure to hit that like button.
Cause every like is another day that I don't guzzle down this bleach and cause a slow painful death. Ha - Ha - Ha - Ha! Bye...
Fuck Up lyrics - Shane Dawson
I woke up on the wrong side of my floor
My clothes still smell like the night before
Where am I?
Why am I talking to myself? (Self)
I'm like a fat-kid running through a candy store
Like an nympho surrounded by a bunch of whores
Why can't I just get control over myself? (Self)
I'm not trying to be a saint
I don't wanna be president someday
I'm just trying to make my way
Yeah
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
It ain't no ones fault but mine
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
So if you fuck up all the time
Let's all sing
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Da da da da da
My girlfriend told me that she wants a break
And that being with me is what turned her gay
What's with me?
Why does this happen all the time? (Time)
I'm like a blind man walking through a perfume shop
I'm like a black guy switching lanes infront of the cops
Why can't I just get control over myself? (Self)
I'm not trying to be a saint
I don't wanna be president someday
I'm just trying to make my way
Yeah
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
It ain't no ones fault but mine
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
So if you fuck up all the time
Let's all sing
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Da da da da da
I'm just a bad luck charm
To blame when things go wrong
Been cursed since I was born
Maybe one day I'll change
For now all I can say
Yeah
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
It ain't no ones fault but mine
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
So if you fuck up all the time
Let's all sing
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Da da da da da da
Ah fuck it
My clothes still smell like the night before
Where am I?
Why am I talking to myself? (Self)
I'm like a fat-kid running through a candy store
Like an nympho surrounded by a bunch of whores
Why can't I just get control over myself? (Self)
I'm not trying to be a saint
I don't wanna be president someday
I'm just trying to make my way
Yeah
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
It ain't no ones fault but mine
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
So if you fuck up all the time
Let's all sing
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Da da da da da
My girlfriend told me that she wants a break
And that being with me is what turned her gay
What's with me?
Why does this happen all the time? (Time)
I'm like a blind man walking through a perfume shop
I'm like a black guy switching lanes infront of the cops
Why can't I just get control over myself? (Self)
I'm not trying to be a saint
I don't wanna be president someday
I'm just trying to make my way
Yeah
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
It ain't no ones fault but mine
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
So if you fuck up all the time
Let's all sing
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Da da da da da
I'm just a bad luck charm
To blame when things go wrong
Been cursed since I was born
Maybe one day I'll change
For now all I can say
Yeah
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
It ain't no ones fault but mine
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
I can't do nothing right
I'm sorry I'm a fuck up
Yeah
So if you fuck up all the time
Let's all sing
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Oops my bad
I never said
I'd ever get it right
Da da da da da da
Ah fuck it
Girlish Body lyrics - Shane Dawson
This song goes out to my future ex-boyfriend
Pack yo' shit
You say you only fuckin' me for the views
But I don't care, 'cuz the view I get when I fuck you
You're tellin' everyone that you're a secret top
The only place you fuck me is in my ears when you talk
Your voice is almost as deep as your pores
And that says a lot, 'cuz you got a lot of face sores
You should get popcorn tatted on your back
That way you'll "pop, pop!" when I pop the pimples on your back
You got what I need
A boyish face with a girlish body
Your pale-ass body and your sharp-ass teeth
Got Bill Skarsgård and Pennywise quaking
You kinda look like the guy from Worth It
But less rich, less cute, and more likely to suck dick
You got your star on a channel called Clevver
You know, that Youtube channel that people watch never
I don't need the Psychic Twins warning me of danger
I look at your forehead and I see my future
You got what I need
A boyish face with a girlish body
You started from the bottom and you're still a bottom
You got what I need
A boyish face with a girlish body
Pack yo' shit
You say you only fuckin' me for the views
But I don't care, 'cuz the view I get when I fuck you
You're tellin' everyone that you're a secret top
The only place you fuck me is in my ears when you talk
Your voice is almost as deep as your pores
And that says a lot, 'cuz you got a lot of face sores
You should get popcorn tatted on your back
That way you'll "pop, pop!" when I pop the pimples on your back
You got what I need
A boyish face with a girlish body
Your pale-ass body and your sharp-ass teeth
Got Bill Skarsgård and Pennywise quaking
You kinda look like the guy from Worth It
But less rich, less cute, and more likely to suck dick
You got your star on a channel called Clevver
You know, that Youtube channel that people watch never
I don't need the Psychic Twins warning me of danger
I look at your forehead and I see my future
You got what I need
A boyish face with a girlish body
You started from the bottom and you're still a bottom
You got what I need
A boyish face with a girlish body
Hello Kitty Parody lyrics - Shane Dawson
I am 30 and I wearing a tutu of candy
Did I mention that I’m 30?
I went the Supercuts and asked them to fuck my head up
And look what this bitch did to me.
Ha ha ha ha, girl you dumb!
I used to make music and dress like a punk
Now looks like a blind stylist dressed me
Yes, Queen You Look Great!
This video is fucking racist but it’s ok because I’m paying this Asians chicks to dance behind me
We want to kill ourselves
This is the probably the worst thing I have done in my life and I married that Nickelback guy
Ew, ew, gross
Did I mention that I’m 30?
Yes I’m fucking 30
And I’m wearing accessories that I got from Claire’s
I never smiling cuz on the inside I’m dying
Please take me out of my misery
No you have 10 more years
Now it’s time for Dubstep music
Made by a 50 year old white guy
Hey isn’t this what the kids like?
They also like when I butcher Japanese
Jin-Jon-Won-Chin-Won-Chon-Ding-Dong
That means go buy my new song
Ding-Ding-Wang-Wang-Ding-Ding-Ding-Chi
That means holly shit I’m 30
Holly shit I’m 30 and I am not married old enough to have babies
Oh my God I’m fucking 30
Oh my God I’m 30
Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God
Midlife breakdown
Look at me I’m eating sushi
I like to make my eyes all Japanese-y
Ding-Gon-Jow-Chi-Dong-Chi-Don-Chi
(You Fucking Racist Bitch)
Sure you can have my new CD
Hey there Miley, Miley
Are you jeal-i, jeal-i of my stupid fucking video?
I made a Checklist of all the stupid stuff
You did in yours
And I think we’re tied
World only needs one stupid crazy talentless whore
And that’s me
Yeah!
Wow!
Or I’m really fucking high right now or there is a set of Asian quadruples standing front of me?
Both!
Oh, yeah!
High School: The Rap lyrics - Shane Dawson
Rule number one:
Act like you don't give a fuck
Here's your homework
Try to get your peepee sucked
Rule number two:
Avoid the cafeteria
Bring your own lunch
Or you'll get diarrhea
Rule number three:
Find your posse
Just not the crazy kids that
Hangs underneath the crazy tree
Rule number four:
No hot Cheetos
Looks like you're on your period
Strachting your ho-ho
High school, it's a crazy time
These are the ways that you stay alive
Listen up, cause we got some tools
In the form of rules
Rule number five:
Don't join the Harry Potter club
Or a jock will shove
A quidditch stick up your butt
Rule number six:
When you need to take a piss
Don't use a stall
Or they're call you a baby dick
Rule number seven:
Have fashion taste, short-shorts
Will give you an under the waist sad face
Oh, wait you don't know what that is
It's when you're fabric of your shorts
Gets caught in your pussy lips
High school, it's a crazy time
These are the ways that you stay alive
Listen up, cause we got some tools
In the form of rules
Rule number eight:
Find a seat by your crush
Except in health class
Herpes slides will fuck that up
Rule number nine:
Try to fuck at a teacher
Get caught, sue the school
For some cheddar
Rule number ten:
If you're in a class you hate
Fake interested and
Make a Taylor Swift face
" [Gasp] You just blew my mind
Wow, teacher you're one of a kind."
High school, it's a crazy time
These are the ways that you stay alive
Listen up, cause we got some tools
In the form of rules
Break down!
Don't cheat off an Asian
They're over-rated
Don't bring ethnic food to class
Or you'll be hated
Duct tape wallets are disgusting
And they attract stray pubes
If you like a girl
Don't ever call her "dude."
Having lunch with a teacher
Is super creepy
Dressing like an Anime character
Is also creepy
Cleaning your braces in public
Is really gross
And lastly
Just remember this quote
High school, it's a crazy time
These are the ways that you stay alive
So don't give up cause it's just four years
Then it disappears
Act like you don't give a fuck
Here's your homework
Try to get your peepee sucked
Rule number two:
Avoid the cafeteria
Bring your own lunch
Or you'll get diarrhea
Rule number three:
Find your posse
Just not the crazy kids that
Hangs underneath the crazy tree
Rule number four:
No hot Cheetos
Looks like you're on your period
Strachting your ho-ho
High school, it's a crazy time
These are the ways that you stay alive
Listen up, cause we got some tools
In the form of rules
Rule number five:
Don't join the Harry Potter club
Or a jock will shove
A quidditch stick up your butt
Rule number six:
When you need to take a piss
Don't use a stall
Or they're call you a baby dick
Rule number seven:
Have fashion taste, short-shorts
Will give you an under the waist sad face
Oh, wait you don't know what that is
It's when you're fabric of your shorts
Gets caught in your pussy lips
High school, it's a crazy time
These are the ways that you stay alive
Listen up, cause we got some tools
In the form of rules
Rule number eight:
Find a seat by your crush
Except in health class
Herpes slides will fuck that up
Rule number nine:
Try to fuck at a teacher
Get caught, sue the school
For some cheddar
Rule number ten:
If you're in a class you hate
Fake interested and
Make a Taylor Swift face
" [Gasp] You just blew my mind
Wow, teacher you're one of a kind."
High school, it's a crazy time
These are the ways that you stay alive
Listen up, cause we got some tools
In the form of rules
Break down!
Don't cheat off an Asian
They're over-rated
Don't bring ethnic food to class
Or you'll be hated
Duct tape wallets are disgusting
And they attract stray pubes
If you like a girl
Don't ever call her "dude."
Having lunch with a teacher
Is super creepy
Dressing like an Anime character
Is also creepy
Cleaning your braces in public
Is really gross
And lastly
Just remember this quote
High school, it's a crazy time
These are the ways that you stay alive
So don't give up cause it's just four years
Then it disappears
I Am Everything lyrics - Shane Dawson
Y'all...
I know god said no false idols but,
I talked to god and we're chill so,
You can pray to Thomas,
I'll get you through it all, oh...
It started as a little boy,
I used to dream of what life could be,
I checked all the boxes now,
That I'm on frigging TV,
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
(yo listen)
When I was a little boy,
My teacher ask what we wanna be,
Most kids said astronaut,
The answer should have been, me...
Now I make more money in a month,
Than my teacher made in a year,
And all those kids from my class
will kill themselves when they see me here,
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
Life goals, dream goals, house goals, car goals,
Boy goals, girl goals, equal goals, what ever goals,
Sleep goals, teeth goals, tan goals, cash goals,
Squad goals, all the goals,
If you google search goals you'll just see pictures of me...
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
I know god said no false idols but,
I talked to god and we're chill so,
You can pray to Thomas,
I'll get you through it all, oh...
It started as a little boy,
I used to dream of what life could be,
I checked all the boxes now,
That I'm on frigging TV,
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
(yo listen)
When I was a little boy,
My teacher ask what we wanna be,
Most kids said astronaut,
The answer should have been, me...
Now I make more money in a month,
Than my teacher made in a year,
And all those kids from my class
will kill themselves when they see me here,
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
Life goals, dream goals, house goals, car goals,
Boy goals, girl goals, equal goals, what ever goals,
Sleep goals, teeth goals, tan goals, cash goals,
Squad goals, all the goals,
If you google search goals you'll just see pictures of me...
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
I am, I am, everything, I am everything, yeah
I Knew You Were Trouble - Spoof lyrics - Shane Dawson (feat. Wendy McColm)
Once upon a time,
A few decades ago
We killed the Indians
And then we took their homes
Don't fuck with us,
We'll fuck you up
'Cause we don't give a fuck
So here's some advice
If you wanna fight
You better think twice
'Cause we're going to win
Hey!
'Cause America is the greatest nation
So much better than all the other countries
They all smell like shit
Especially Afghanistan and Japan
Where they're into freaky shit
Like squid porn and bukkake
Stop this, I just want this to end
So America is breaking up with you
Oh, oh, oh
See you later assholes
Oh, oh, oh
See you later assholes
A few decades ago
We killed the Indians
And then we took their homes
Don't fuck with us,
We'll fuck you up
'Cause we don't give a fuck
So here's some advice
If you wanna fight
You better think twice
'Cause we're going to win
Hey!
'Cause America is the greatest nation
So much better than all the other countries
They all smell like shit
Especially Afghanistan and Japan
Where they're into freaky shit
Like squid porn and bukkake
Stop this, I just want this to end
So America is breaking up with you
Oh, oh, oh
See you later assholes
Oh, oh, oh
See you later assholes
Maybe This Christmas lyrics - Shane Dawson
It's Christmas time and Santa's here,
Making the children smile
But he's just a pedophile
So you better watch your child.
Christmas trees in every house
Covered in shiny lights
But they just turn brown and die,
Or set your whole house on fire
These are the reasons
I hate the season,
but I'mma give it a try.
Maybe this year I won't be sad on Christmas
Maybe I'll have a happy holiday.
Replace my heart ache and my pain,
With mistletoe and candy canes
This Christmas could go my way.
Having fun with all your friends,
Sipping on that eggnog,
But it just looks like jizz
All over your upper lips.
House made out of ginger bread
Cookies like Christmas trees
Giving you heart disease
And type two diabetes.
It's only diabetes
These are the reasons
I hate the season,
but I'm a give it a try.
Maybe this year I won't be sad on Christmas
Maybe I'll have a happy holiday.
Replace my heart ache and my pain,
With mistletoe and candy canes
This Christmas could go my way.
I've never seen reindeer fly
I've never heard the sleigh bells ring
I've never seen a snowman come to life
I've never heard the angels sing
But I hope and I pray
That maybe this Christmas day
That'll change.
Maybe this year I won't be sad on Christmas
Maybe I'll have a happy holiday.
Replace my heart ache and my pain,
With mistletoe and candy canes
This Christmas could go my way...
Maybe this year I won't be sad on Christmas
Maybe I'll have a happy holiday.
Replace my heart ache and my pain,
Let's just dance the night away.
This Christmas is going my way.
Just dance with me.
Making the children smile
But he's just a pedophile
So you better watch your child.
Christmas trees in every house
Covered in shiny lights
But they just turn brown and die,
Or set your whole house on fire
These are the reasons
I hate the season,
but I'mma give it a try.
Maybe this year I won't be sad on Christmas
Maybe I'll have a happy holiday.
Replace my heart ache and my pain,
With mistletoe and candy canes
This Christmas could go my way.
Having fun with all your friends,
Sipping on that eggnog,
But it just looks like jizz
All over your upper lips.
House made out of ginger bread
Cookies like Christmas trees
Giving you heart disease
And type two diabetes.
It's only diabetes
These are the reasons
I hate the season,
but I'm a give it a try.
Maybe this year I won't be sad on Christmas
Maybe I'll have a happy holiday.
Replace my heart ache and my pain,
With mistletoe and candy canes
This Christmas could go my way.
I've never seen reindeer fly
I've never heard the sleigh bells ring
I've never seen a snowman come to life
I've never heard the angels sing
But I hope and I pray
That maybe this Christmas day
That'll change.
Maybe this year I won't be sad on Christmas
Maybe I'll have a happy holiday.
Replace my heart ache and my pain,
With mistletoe and candy canes
This Christmas could go my way...
Maybe this year I won't be sad on Christmas
Maybe I'll have a happy holiday.
Replace my heart ache and my pain,
Let's just dance the night away.
This Christmas is going my way.
Just dance with me.
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